Miscarriage. No words a women wants to hear.
Not too long ago I was sitting down for lunch with a friend who recently experienced a miscarriage. She told me that one of the toughest times when dealing with loss is in those weeks around your due date. I agree but somehow two of my due dates have come and gone and oddly enough my feelings around those dates didn’t surpass the hurt I felt when we found out we had miscarried. Emotions are interesting. In moments when things are swirling around us, we feel calm focused and collective. Only during those little out of the blue moments is when we fall apart. I am writing this as we approach a year from our first miscarriage. In the weeks and months that followed I felt completely numb, simply going through the motions of life.
I am writing this with sadness in my heart but also with amazement of how different a year can make a person feel. When we found out I was pregnant last February, I felt nervous and overwhelmed. Eva was only a year and a half, my business was growing and in the midst of juggling parenthood + marriage + a business I seemed to have lost myself.
In a bizarre way, that first miscarriage allowed me to really focus on myself and find a life balance. The second miscarriage (which followed a couple of months later) taught me that all good things in life are worth waiting for. So with this week's not-so-great-anniversary of loss, I have to admit I feel more at peace than I have ever before. Life has an interesting way of teaching us lessons, making us slow down and appreciate small daily blessings. If you told me last year that "things unfolds as they should," I would have probably rolled my eyes and told you to take a hike. However this year I can finally see that those words ring true. Life sucks sometimes. Dealing with loss is an uphill battle but with enough time you do get over the hump and realize it will all be okay. To anyone going through loss, remember you ARE strong, you ARE brave and you WILL get through this one day - one hour - one minute at a time.
*** This photo holds a special place in my heart. We were dog sitting for friends when it all started. Ziggy, who I just met two days prior, wouldn’t leave my side. Anytime I laid on the couch he would snuggle up next to me, putting his head on my belly and tucking his body next to mine. I would bury my head into his fur and cry and he would just lay there peacefully. Now, a year later, this photo calms my heart and makes me smile. Animals are amazing and Ziggy was the energy I truly needed to get through those tough days. Hang in there friends!